For the past couple of months I have been psychologically
broken down by man most worthy adversary: The African Rat. I classify it beyond normal vermin strictly
to save what little pride I have left.
The two families that are currently a feature of Opolot’s humble abode
cannot possibly be ordinary rats; little guys are too clever, too relentless, too
rat-like. Other rats probably video tape
my inhabitants and stare in awe at their gall, performing such brazen acts as
using my mosquito net as a trampoline, stealing food directly from my plate
after leaving for no more than 35 minutes, leaving gaudy footprints on my
keyboard when I return.
The animals so infiltrated my mind that, by last week, I had
given up control of the house after nightfall.
I would lock myself under my net, tuck in on the sides, and put two
pillows on my head. Every morning I
would wake up to see the wake of destruction; bread loaves with baseball size
holes out of the side, cheese missing completely (how the HELL did they eat ¾ of
a wheel of cheese in one night?), poop ostentatiously lying on my table and
couch.
Had I been alone, I don’t know how long these monstrous acts
would have continued. As it was, Buzi
has had a snapping point and declared total war. Inspired by his scare tactics (he’ll randomly
bark at nights, hoping the noise will frighten the rats to give away their
position---it works!) and complete focus (after 3-4km sprints to town with him
following me on my bike, he’ll pick up his speed at the end of the run,
sprinting into the house and kamikaze-ing directly into the cupboard which we
hear him), I begin to slowly try and give assistance. I will admit, though, that I was leaving the
killing of the rats, and indeed nearly all of the scouting out, up to
Buzi.
My best move I decided was to streamline Buzi’s paths into
well-known terrorist---sorry, rat---hide outs.
I moved paint cans around so that he has full access to behind the
couch, moved my bed so he has more room to scout through my room. Then, one day as I was moving things above my
clothes cabinet, I hit my snapping point.
In my broken mind, I felt me and the rat families had
established an understanding. They stay
out of my way in the day, and if I leave anything out at night they would like,
then my loss. I realized their
willingness to wake me with rat-like screams (of victory, or rage, or perhaps
ecstasy…I can’t be sure) might be a sign that the agreement was beginning to be
in need of a renegotiation. When I
reached about my clothes cabinet, however, and I brought down my MSR Single
Hubba 3.5 season backpacking tent (I.E. my single most loved piece of outdoor
equipment, behind only my Arc Teryx Bora 80) and found a (albeit tiny) rat nibbled
hole…all agreements were off. I tore
down everything from the cabinet, immediately finding 4 newborn rats, still too
young even to have opened their eyes.
Buzi immediately neutralized 3 with his trademark head grab and shake,
breaking each of their spinal cords and tossing them off to the side. I joined the effort with my rat bludgeon. Let the games begin.
Buzi and I have taken back the night in the following
weeks. Two nights ago was a crippling
blow, when buzi’s banshee-call sent one rat falling, into the open. We chased him (his bark now gets me out of
bed, on my feet with a stick in hand in less than 3 seconds from full sleep)
behind the clothes cabinet. Drawing up
images of my tainted Single Hubba, I picked up the whole side and twisted it
away from the wall, leaving Papa AND Mama rat exposed. They split, each heading opposite directions
away; Buzi and I silently picked off each of our prey. I managed to stick Papa rat and hold him by
his tail, all the while cheering on Buzi to “Get’m, GET’M” in my most sinister
voice. Mama got away. Buzi, once he realized he’d been eluded,
raced back to my position to finish the job on Papa. Thinking he was already fazed, I let go of my
stick---like a bullet, off the little guy goes, out of the room and into the
hallway. Buzi closes the space between
them in one pounce and, with a growl, he clenches. No more Papa rat.
Buzi and I still have a lot of work to do, but we feel the
momentum is on our side.